


We're One in a Million (Why Can't You See)

by SomebodyOwens



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-15 22:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13041261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomebodyOwens/pseuds/SomebodyOwens
Summary: To Jeff's credit, his heart doesn't fall out of his chest the first time he shakes Eric's hand.Or: Five times Jeff's heart goes for a wander.





	We're One in a Million (Why Can't You See)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mooresomore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mooresomore/gifts).
  * Inspired by [as steady as](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8386309) by [torigates](https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates). 



> As this is an ever-so-slightly-magic AU, I've chosen to handwave some other details, like a certain trade. Dates, however, at all correct. Because why not? Yes, the title is from Rooney's "When Did Your Heart Go Missing." Copious thanks to T for the inspiration and to N for beta-ing.

1\. July, 2003

The first time Jeff loses his heart is at the rink. He's supposed to be working on spins, concentrating on his turnout and the angles of his hips, and he is. But he's mostly just losing himself in the feeling of the spin, the wind across his face and the way the air and ice seem to pull and push his body in equal measures. He slows, then starts again, spinning and spinning and spinning. 

Something skitters across the ice away from Jeff, barely visible in his peripheral vision, and it's strange enough that he stops to skate over and look. 

The heart is deep red, mostly anatomical like they always are, and small enough to fit in his hand when he scoops it up. It's his. There's nothing specific about the heart that says as much, but he's sure as soon as he reaches for it. He's never lost his heart before but it feels right for this to be the first time, because his life is pretty great right now. He's on the ice, crisp rink air filling his lungs. He landed a really pretty double toe loop earlier, and his mom promised they could go pick up a copy of _Order of the Phoenix_ after practice. Basically, everything is perfect. 

He cups the heart in his hands and watches as it pulses gently with a phantom heartbeat. After a moment, his unzips his jacket and tucks his heart under his shirt. The only sign of anything out of the ordinary is the shiver of cool air on his skin and an odd tingle as the heart melts back into his body. 

He's got competitions to prepare for. His heart understands.

 

2\. August, 2009

The locker room in Břeclav is raucous, to say the least. It doesn't seem to matter that they're playing in the Junior World Cup, not World Juniors, like one reporter had asked about yesterday. They still won a fucking gold medal. Gubby's finally managed to get his iPod hooked up and they're all dancing and (poorly) singing along with Flo Rida as he talks about apple bottom jeans. The song changes to "Single Ladies" and Segs, clad in nothing but Under Armor leggings, gleefully demonstrates his dancing prowess. Jeff has to sit down he's laughing so hard. 

Couts is doubled over next to Jeff while Picks takes one for the team, wrestling Segs to the floor and then sitting on him to prevent further ass shaking. Jeff is still laughing, but he's a little disappointed that he doesn't have a reason to keep looking at Segs' ass. It's a pretty great ass. It's just that between ice skating and hockey, Jeff has seen _a lot_ of asses and he appreciates the good ones. That's all.

Somebody prods at Jeff's shoulder, and he turns to Weals, ready to commit to a poke fight if necessary.

"You dropped something, dude." Weals points to their feet, and Jeff looks down to see a heart nestled in his pile of gear that he hasn't managed to hang up yet. It's his, of course. Just like last time he's sure of that fact that without really understanding how he knows it.

Jeff turns back to Weals, to see if he's gonna chirp or call attention to them or something, but Weals just looks back with this soft smile, like he's in on a secret. 

"It's cool; I won't tell."

Jeff wants to argue, to explain that no, it's not like whatever Weals is thinking. It's just hockey. He lost his heart once to ice skating, so it makes sense that he'd lose it again for hockey. 

It's just hockey.

 

3\. November, 2010

Jeff's heart has shown up a handful of times in the last couple of years, and he never notices it when it happens. Sometimes, someone else give it back to him, but most times, he sees it before anyone else and can tuck it away. It doesn't mean anything more than that he's having a lot of feelings at that moment. It's not like he's actually falling in love, like in the movies; people's hearts appear all the time, for lots of reasons. Love, yeah. But just having a crush on someone or even respecting them or wanting to be friends. Plenty of non-romantic reasons. 

Plenty of romantic ones, too.

To Jeff's credit, his heart doesn't fall out of his chest the first time he shakes Eric's hand. Or the first time Eric bumps his shoulder and says "Nice shot!" during training camp. Or even the first time Eric strips his shirt off right in front of Jeff's face. Eric is annoyingly attractive, in that tall/handsome/polite/Canadian way. Also his hockey is filthy. Plus he's super nice to the rookies and does things like help them prank the other guys instead of constantly making them the butt of jokes. 

Jeff is used to wanting to impress his coaches and wanting to be the best, but damn if Eric doesn't bring that out of him in the worst way. 

Really, it's not a shock that Jeff's heart goes for a wander during a captain and rookie lunch date. Eric is sitting there all full of praise for the Calder buzz that Jeff is garnering even though it's barely November, and Jeff kinda wants to point out that it's too early in the season for that, but also it's fucking awesome. 

The food at the diner they frequent is always amazing, but Jeff barely pays attention to his plate while he basks in Eric's praise. Plenty of people have complimented Jeff, but to sit here and listen to Eric Staal, his captain and mentor and friend, explain in detail how not only is Jeff's hockey awesome, but he's super great with kids, and it's so helpful that Jeff is already taking on media responsibilities that Eric doesn't have to shoulder. 

Jeff's cheeks are pink the entire meal.

Jeff is on his way back from the bathroom when his eye catches on the telltale shade of red perched on the chair next to Eric. It doesn't make any sense at all, but it's definitely his heart. Shit. Luckily, Eric's napkin has also fallen, and Jeff manages to pocket his heart when he stoops down to grab the napkin. 

Eric gives him a funny look when Jeff hands him the napkin, but he doesn't say anything about it, just digs through his wallet for cash to pay their bill, leaving Jeff plenty of time to boggle at himself. What the hell is his heart doing flinging itself at Eric? 

He can't have a crush on Eric. Because Eric is straight, and hockey is hockey, and Jeff would prefer not to cause himself undue agony. Don't fall for teammates is basically the number one rule of sports. 

Unfortunately, his heart doesn't seem to agree.

 

4\. January, 2011

By the time he gets back to his room, Jeff is fairly certain that he imagined the entire night. To begin with, he's still half convinced that he's just dreaming being at the All Star Game. But more specifically, he can't possibly have spent the evening drinking and dancing in progressively less coordinated and more lewd ways with a bunch of his hockey heroes. And even if all that is true, he couldn't possibly have ended his night making out with Eric in a dark corner. 

But it is true, and he definitely did make out with Eric for long enough that his lips were tingling and his hair was sticking up from where Eric kept tugging on it, and his shirt was all kinds of wrinkled from the way Eric kept pushing it up so he could press his hands to Jeff's back. 

And then Eric left because it's the All Star Game and everybody makes out with everybody, except then Jeff had to find a quiet corner to mope in, because he really just wants to make out with Eric forever. He'd like to do other things with Eric too, like trade blowjobs and have sleepy morning sex and snuggle on the couch and hold hands and-- hold on. That's not the point. 

The point is that he made out with Eric and it was awesome, and he's going to get to work getting rid of his crush ASAP. 

The first thing Jeff sees the next morning is his heart. Well, that's not completely accurate. The first thing he sees is sunlight from the still-open blinds stabbing directly into his soul, and also his hangover. The second thing Jeff sees is the blanket he pulls over his head. But the third thing he sees, once he's worked up enough strength to sit up properly, is his heart snuggled into Eric's flannel shirt that Jeff had somehow managed to acquire. Obviously his heart doesn't have a personality; it's just a visual representation of a metaphysical connection (Jeff does remember his high school health class, thanks). But it's wedged in the folds of Eric's shirt, almost like it's been tucked into bed. 

He stares at it for a minute, sighs, and decides he can wallow in his own misery for a few minutes. He wants Eric. His heart wants Eric. But other than that tipsy make-out, Eric has never show a hint of interest beyond friendship, so neither Jeff nor his heart are getting what they want, and they have _got_ to deal with that. 

Jeff is too busy feeling sorry for himself to notice the door opening, and he nearly falls out of the bed when Eric says "Good morning?" from the foot of the bed. 

"Sorry, sorry!" Eric doesn't even have the decency to hide his laughter. "You gave me a key? And told me to come wake you up?"

"Fuck! Yes! Hi!" Jeff flails out from under the blankets and skillfully manages to shove both the jersey and his heart under the pillow before Eric sees either item and asks questions he doesn't really want the answer to.

And then he freezes, because Eric is standing far too close, and Jeff is wearing nothing but a pair of boxers that are barely clinging to his hips. There's a breathless moment as a multitude of possible futures hang between them. But as much as Jeff desperately want to lean in and kiss Eric again, he forces himself to stay put. 

Instead, it's Eric who leans in and brushes his lips gently against Jeff's. It's barely a kiss, but when Jeff doesn't object, he repeats the action with more intent, a proper kiss that's so good Jeff can't help clutching Eric's shoulders. 

It's Eric who breaks away first, though, breathing heavily and eyes hooded. 

"What..." Jeff trails off, not even sure what he wants to ask.

"I want this, I do. But I need time."

"How much time?"

"I need you to not be a rookie." Eric answers right away, which kinda makes it sound like he's thought about this in detail. It's not a rejection, though, so Jeff can be patient. For Eric, he's willing to try. 

 

5\. August, 2012 

A few weeks after Jeff signs his contract, Eric invites him over for dinner. Dinner at Eric's isn't a rare occurrence, but something about the way Eric asks seems odd. Jeff is used to getting "steaks at 7 bring beer" or "salmon on grill get salad stuff" if Eric is feeling healthy. This time, he gets "id like to cook dinner for you when you get back to raleigh" and then a series of texts planning out the specific date and time in advance. It's just weird enough that Jeff puts on a decent pair of shorts and a nice polo, and grabs a bottle of red wine on his way out the door. 

Eric greets him with a smile and a hug, and leads him out to the back porch like Jeff hasn't done his share of hosting from Eric's house. Thankfully, they're only awkward for a few minutes before they remember that they're already friends. Stilted conversation melts into trading stories about off season adventures and family and plans for the coming year. 

Jeff makes it all the way through dinner, until they're washing dishes in the kitchen before he breaks.

"Is this a date?" He probably should be more subtle, but the not knowing is gnawing at him. And if it's not a date, what the hell kind of bomb is Eric going to drop?

Eric winces, and chuckles nervously. "Yes? I kinda hoped you hadn't noticed."

"Because you changed your mind?"

"Mostly because I've been too chickenshit to say anything. I thought I wasn't reading you wrong, but..." He trails off.

"You weren't reading it wrong. But?" Jeff prompts. 

Eric is quiet for a long moment, lips tight as he visibly gathers his thoughts. Jeff waits, entirely adrift without some hint at what Eric is getting at. I thought you liked me but I can't because I'm the captain? But I realized I was leading you on? But I'm retiring? But I'm secretly married to Cam and we have seven children together?

"I'm not good at this, Jeff. I've fucked up every relationship I've had. I don't want to hide from the team."

"But?" Jeff prompts again, balanced on the knife edge between crushing disappointment and elation. 

"But I really want to kiss you again."

Jeff pulls himself away before their kiss turns into making out against the kitchen counter because he's a good boy who doesn't put out on a first date, thank you very much. 

(He's thinking about it, though. Thinking about dragging Eric back to his bedroom and peeling him out of that ridiculous short sleeved plaid shirt that Eric always wears when he has to look nice in the summer and doesn't want to wear a polo. Thinking about shoving his hands down Eric's pants, and the way Eric will pin him to the bed while they make out and grind together.

But not on the first date. And not until he's certain that Eric is on the same page.)

Jeff is barely halfway home when his phone rings. 

"You left some things here. You should come back." Jeff laughs at the cadgeyness in Eric's voice. It's a ploy, Jeff knows. It's not like Eric is subtle. But he still makes a u-turn at the next intersection and takes himself back to Eric's house. 

The door is open, so Jeff lets himself in. Eric is pretty much where Jeff left him, standing in the entryway looking dazed.

"Hi again?"

"You left this." Eric opens his hands to Jeff and there in his palm is Jeff's heart. Of course. He's spent so much time making sure Eric hasn't noticed how easily his heart falls out when Eric is around, and the damn thing had to go and jump ship as Jeff was heading out the door. 

Eric brings his cupped hands up to examine the heart. 

Jeff shrugs with false carelessness. "My heart knows what I want. That's how it works."

"Did you know?"

"No, of course not. I would have said something."

"But why is it here?"

"Come on, Eric. It's not like it wandered while we were eating. I left your house and my heart stayed here. You know what it means." Jeff wants to be pissed at Eric for drawing this out, but he's abruptly just tired. He was so certain they were heading in the same direction. But Eric looks shocked and taken aback as he stares at Jeff's heart, so apparently he was less into the idea of a relationship than Jeff assumed. 

"Give it here." Jeff holds out a hand, but Eric doesn't move.

"I've never--" he clears his throat, looking determinedly at his hands. "My heart hasn't ever done that. Wandered, I mean."

"Not ever?" It's not common, what Eric is saying. Jeff's heart wanders off maybe a little more than average, but there aren't many people in the world who retain their hearts forever.

Eric shakes his head. "Not so far, and I've definitely been in love, so probably not ever."

"Then how do you..." Jeff bites his lip, well aware that he's treading into dangerous question territory. 

"How do I know I like something? I have a brain, idiot. You didn't need your heart to fall out of your chest to tell you that you like hockey, right?"

Jeff shakes his head, cheeks flaming. "No, I mean how do you know you were in love?"

Eric is quiet for long enough that Jeff figures it's time for damage control. 

"Sorry. Forget I asked. Just give it here." Jeff reaches for the heart still cupped in Eric's hands, but Eric flinches and pulls his hands away from Jeff. 

"Wait. I didn't-- 

"I'm not in love with you." It shouldn't be a shock to hear Eric say it, but oh wow it hurts. Jeff's cheeks flush and his stomach rolls. 

"Ok. I'm gonna go." Fuck, he misjudged Eric completely. He should have forgotten everything after the All Star Game, let it be the sort of wild night that nobody ever mentions. Said no thanks when Eric asked if he wanted dinner to be a date. Then they could at least be friends, and teammates. Jeff isn't sure he'll be able to look Eric in the eye tomorrow. 

He needs to leave. Get in his car and drive home and hide under the blankets for the next year. He puts his hand out, but Eric is still holding his damn heart.

"No, wait. Please? You asked how I know. I know I'm not in love with you." Jeff winces. " _But_ I think could get there." Eric smiles sheepishly while Jeff ruthlessly suppresses the tiny flame of hope flickering in his chest. He can't ride this rollercoaster right now, especially if the only thing Eric is sure about is that he's not in love with Jeff.

But Eric isn't done. "Look, I'm not great at talking about emotions and shit, but I at least know what I feel. I don't have my heart to give me hints. I've always had to figure it out myself. Doesn't mean I'm not a coward about it."

The glimmer of hope flares brighter. "Do you maybe want to try again?" 

"I want--" Eric shrugs. "I just want you. Honestly, however much of you I can get. If I haven't fucked up my chances." 

Jeff should step back. Suggest another date, once they both have a chance to breathe and a little distance from this agonizing conversation. 

He reaches for Eric's hands again, and Eric's face goes blank as he offers Jeff's heart up to him. But instead of taking it back, Jeff pushes Eric's cupped hands together. "Keep it," he says. "It's yours." 

Eric's radiant smile is is enough to melt Jeff's lingering reservations. The phantom heat of Eric's hands sinks into his chest, his bones, humming through his veins and sparking through his spine. All the research says no one can actually feel their heart, but Jeff could swear than Eric's hands are seeping warmth into his very soul. 

Jeff wants-- but there's no reason to resist now. He steps towards Eric, who doesn't hesitate to open his arms so Jeff can curl into the hug, strong and steady and filled with promise. 

 

+1 January, 2015

Jeff knows that the early flight will be worth it. While various hockey luminaries are converging on Columbus for the All Star Game, he and Eric will be dragging themselves to the airport at the ass crack of dawn to fly down to Key West for some serious sun and sand and seafood action. Also hopefully making out on the beach because no one cares who they are. It'll be great once they get there, but that requires Jeff to drag himself out of bed first. 

Eric has already gotten up, and the sheets are starting to go cold, so Jeff reluctantly hauls himself upright. Led by his nose, he stumbles towards the kitchen and the ever enticing smell of freshly brewed coffee. It's not the worst thing, having a partner who will get up and make coffee while Jeff is still zombie-like.

Jeff makes it halfway through his first mug before he notices it.

"Eric!" he bellows. "What the hell?"

Eric sticks his head into the kitchen, looking far too chipper for 5am. "Something wrong with the coffee?"

"My heart? Dude, you just left it sitting on the counter."

"No, I have it-- hang on, I swear."

Jeff rolls his eyes and grabs the heart to hand it back to Eric. He turns, and freezes. Eric is holding his hand outstretched, Jeff's heart is nestled in his palm.

But. What? Jeff brings the heart in his hand close to his face, and yeah, now that he's actually paying attention, it's not exactly the same. It's a slightly different shade of red, and the shape isn't quite right. But most importantly, it doesn't feel like Jeff at all. The heart is warmer in his hand, warm the way Eric is when they press together under the blankets, and Jeff can almost taste the spicy tomato sauce Eric loves to make, can almost smell that enticing blend of detergent, cologne, and Eric-ness, hear Eric's carefree laughter. 

It feels like all the ways that Jeff's life is tangled up with Eric's, all of the wild adventures they've shared and all of the quiet, peaceful moments. 

It feels like Eric, and Jeff is in love.


End file.
